Cool!

[Sockworth]

I like it! This must have been a lot of fun for the audience and also a lot of fun to perform.

At the end, maybe you could add a few lines ...

Grandma: Oh. I’m sorry. That’s the president. Before he was the leader of this fine country, he was gangsta rap artist.

Suzie: How did he become president?

Grandma: Oh, it was a simple transition from there into politics. Did you know he was the first black president ever?

Suzie: What about Obama?

Matt: Obama was under the old presidential system, remember? Before elections were decided by rap battles.

Grandma: Yes, he's right, little dawg. Obama got pwned by Eminem in 2012.

[The Marcho Man]

Wrote this for a sketch comedy troupe I was involved in around the time of the American election. Was a disposable one, just to chuck around, ended up doing it onstage as a character piece. Bottom of the pile.



Grandma: Hello Children. Why I haven’t seen you since Christmas! Did you like the cookies I baked you?

Suzie: Tell us a story Grandma!

Matt: Yeah! Grandma! What was the start of the century like?

Grandma: Well children when I was young, about twice your age. I used have so much sex.

Matt: (Deadpan) What.

Grandma: Oh yes. I had sex coming out of my ears. There was a time when every Sunday night was orgy night.

Suzie: Were you a prostitute?

Grandma: No. But close, dear. I was a backup crump dancer for Snoop Dog. It wasn’t an easy life, growing up on the streets, but I had some moves, you shoulda seen me. Grinding up against the camera man so he’d make sure I was always in the shot. It was hard work, you see. I started out as a fan, then after some serious stalking I became a groupie, and from there I managed to become a regular dancer, and a monument to the end of objectifying women. It was all about our liberation in those days. And I got there through just hard work, simple American know how, and bulimia. What about you, little suzie? Any idea what you wanna be when you grow up?

Suzie shakes her head.

Grandma: That’s okay, honey. But if you wanna break into the music business, you should start practicing sexual favours. Remember, its on the wrist honey. Ahhh, music videos! Those where the days. I used to make cookies for the whole group.

Suzie: Were they dinosaur cookies?

Grandma: No these where hash cookies.

Matt: Hash, as in weed?

Grandma: Fo shizzle, my nizzle. It was off the hizzle dizzle. Grandmama’s cookies brought all the boys to the yard. It was always a party. Back then I would dance the night away. You know whassup dogz. I still got the moves.

Grandma gets up and starts to dance.

Grandma: Click, click, boom, word up motherfuckers! Throw your hands in the air! Oh.. ow my hip. Oh I’m not feeling too well, oh dear. I think I best sit down.

Matt: Um, whose snoop dog?

Grandma: Oh. I’m sorry. That’s the president. Before he was the leader of this fine country, he was gangsta rap artist.

Suzie: How did he become president?

Grandma: Oh, it was a simple transition from there into politics. Did you know he was the first black president ever?

Matt: What about Obama?

Suzie: Who?