Sketch - Khan and the Intercom

[Sockworth]

OK, to start things off, here is an idea that came to me as I was drifting off to sleep a few months ago. It's incomplete but the general gist of it is there, and for no reason I can logically explain, I'm quite fond of it.

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Genghis KHAN and his army show up at the Great Wall of China. There appears to be an intercom affixed to it.

INTERCOM: (Cheerily) Welcome to voice recognition. In just a few words, please say what it is you’re here to do.

[KHAN looks baffled but draws a breath to state his purpose. Cutaway shot of a couple of KHAN’s men looking at one another in bewilderment.]

[Back to KHAN at the intercom.]

INTERCOM: Did you say ‘murderous rampage’? Please say ‘yes’ or ‘no’.

KHAN: Yes.

[There is a long pause.]

INTERCOM: (Brightly) Sorry, I didn’t catch that. Please say ‘yes’ or ‘no’.

KHAN: YES!

INTERCOM: And are you: alone; with a small group; with a horde; with a small army of captives; or with a unified regional army?

KHAN: (Looking shifty) Small group.

[There is another long pause.]

INTERCOM: I think you said ‘small group’, but my sensors have detected approximately - Sixty. Thousand. Men. Are you: alone; with a small group; with a horde; with a small army of captives; or with a unified regional army?

KHAN: (Interrupting) Horde. Horde!

INTERCOM: Thank you. Your invasion is important to us. Please hold and you will be attended to by our next available army.

[Painful, tinny hold music starts to play.]

[... and so on.]