Sketch - Light

**Sockworth** Mon Apr 05, 2010 2:38 pm

I wrote this one when I was 17. It could use some tidying up but I'm rather fond of the concept. Judge as you see fit!

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GOD sits in a coffee lounge with a SAINT. They sip cappuccinos.

SAINT: So, how’d you do it, then?
GOD: Do what?
SAINT: Well, everything, really. Make things. Life. I mean, what possessed you to do it in the first place?
GOD: Well, you know of course that the start of the Bible is completely wrong. They’ve got me opening by saying ‘Let there be light’, which makes me sound like a prat. It’s all wrong.
SAINT: Really?
GOD: Yeah, well, think about it. Light isn’t that easy to make. May not look like much but it’s incredibly fiddly—I probably wouldn’t have bothered with it at all if I hadn’t got so utterly bored spending eternity in the dark. Makes things really difficult, you know? I mean, ever tried going to the john in the dark?
SAINT: You made yourself a toilet before you made light?
GOD: ’Course I bloody did! Eternity is a bugger of a long time to have to hold it in. Bad for the kidneys, you know.
SAINT: Well, what did you eat and drink?
GOD: (Sighs.) The thing is, I never thought to make Woman until after I’d created Adam. I’m still kicking myself that I didn’t think to make one of those earlier because, things standing as they did, I never had a wife—I had to cook for myself. Consequently I lived on beans and water.
SAINT: So you made beans, water, a toilet … then light?
GOD: I tried to make myself a dog once, but its legs didn’t sit right and the ears wouldn’t stay on so I had to give it up at the time. Took me years to get that stuff right.
SAINT: So, you made beans …
GOD: Yes.
SAINT: Then water.
GOD: Yes.
SAINT: A toilet.
GOD: Yes.
SAINT: Half a dog …
GOD: Yes …
SAINT: THEN light?
GOD: (In his own little world) Yeah, I figured that half the reason I was having so much trouble with the dog was the fact that I couldn’t see a thing I was doing.

GOD looks up. The SAINT’s seat is empty—he’s buggered off. His cappuccino is still on the table.

GOD: (Calling.) You going to drink that?

GOD taks SAINT’s coffee and downs it.